1550

On this very night, ten years ago, along this same stretch of road in a dense fog just like this, I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building… and when they finally pulled the driver’s body from the twisted, burning wreck… it looked like this!

Enter if you dare…

Captain Ahab’s quarters until he was sucked out through those windows and devoured by a giant land squid.

Imagine Psycho meets The Human Centipede and you'll catch the vibe of this bathroom.

Imagine Psycho meets The Human Centipede and you’ll catch the vibe of this Kubrickian thriller bathroom.

Poultry-geist central, Carol Ann.

Disturbingly small and windowless kitchen scrubbed clean of the evidence of the victims who were fed pierogis containing the meat of human featuses to death.

A suitable nook for your attempt at the modern screen adaptation of DeSade’s 120 Days of Sodom.

Where your last letter pleading for help will be written.

The red brick and globe stones is custom stained in human sacrifice blood.

The red brick and globe stones are custom stained in human sacrifice blood.

Backyard? or graveyard.

Don't disturb the twins who live in that closet filled with blood.

Do not disturb the twins who live in that closet filled with blood.

Endangered spirit animal death shroud.

– All utilities included (even WiFi)

– No pets 😦

– Available Nov. 1st

Use the contact form below to receive your death warrant and access to this den of iniquity.

I was lucky enough to be on the shortlist of Miron Properties‘ “most eligable brokers” to have a shot at helping rent these super affordable, ridiculously nice apartments on 10th St. x C & D.

Here’s an exhaustive photo scroll-about which may seem repetitive but it’s my only way to brainwash and hypnotize you.

– I’m only starting with the 4br because it’s not really a 4br. It’s two, 2brs connected by a ginormous patio big enough to hold the next World’s Fair.

– See that thing? Rezonkulous.

– Another chance for you to drink in the newness and the glory of the rear exterior. You can see how pretty much every unit has outdoor space. Good stuff.

– It doesn’t matter which unit this kitchen is from because they all look exactly the freakin’ same. There’s a sink, a stove, a fridge, a micro, some shiny cabinets, and tile floor. No surprises here but I may post another photo of another kitchen in the building which will look the same just to prove my point a little further down.

– This is interesting… see that tape on the floor on toward the left of the room? That’s where the person who has already signed a lease on this unit decided they want their wall to be constructed. That’s right, custom wall configuration. BOOM!

– This is the wall looks like once it’s up.

– Knock knock. Who’s there?… oh, nevermind, I can see you on my video intercom. Go away, freak.

– For those familiar with this part of town, you know it’s along a strip of low-income housing high-rises but not exactly walled in by them. This is the view from of the 4th floor units’ windows. Can’t say why but I like it.

– The bathrooms pretty much have the same thing going on as he kitchens; if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ’em all. Tub, sink, toilet, mirror… same same… whole building.

– Pretty shot of one of the upper floor units. I think this is actually the top floor which may have been rented but again, you can see how the afternoon light pours through tose big windows and glass doors.

– This is one of the top floor patios. On a clear day, all of lower Manhattan would be revealed before thee.

– Really not sure if anyone gives a rat’s ass but this is the lobby.

– I don’t know exactly the full deal on the garage here but I suspect there’s room for a few cars. Likely an additional cost above and beyond the rent but could be worth it Parking largely sucks around here.