$4000 – Titanic Loft Rises from the Depths (Greenpoint Ave. G)

Love on the bow of the good ship Greenpoint is imminently possible atop the freshly swabbed decks of this titanic loft.

Ahoy!

Wicked huge.  Plenty of space for your collection of beer coozies from around the globe.

Great for home bowling or ice-free curling (semi-pro).

“For the wise man looks into space and he knows there is no limited dimensions.” – Lao Tzu

Indoor lawn darts anyone?  Nerf bocce?  Life-sized Settlers of Catan?  I’m game.

Even with all that space, one might still find oneself in need of a bathroom.  Not surprisingly, there is one.

Preparing meals never felt so colossal.  Feel free to use this kitchen to cater an event of epic proportions in your own home.

- Available now.  Don’t let this ship sail without you.

- Pets, obviously, are fine.  You can breed Rotweillers in there if you wish.

- Map here.

Send me a message in a bottle or click here if you’re interested.

$4250 – Duplex Office + Loft = Duploftice (Bedford L)

The problem:  You’ve been pining away for a live/work loft in Williamsburg since the 90s.  Everything’s either been too grungy, too small, too shady or too remote.

The solution:  See below.

- This is what you see when you first walk in.  Dark wood plank floors, modern open kitchen with a balcony.

- A closer look at that balcony.

- Another angle of the kitchen.  There’s the door on the 3rd floor you just walked up to (sorry, no elevator).

- Swing around the corner and you’re in your bedroom.  Sprawling, bright, epic views of the Manhattan skyline.

- Turning around you’re bound for the walk-through full bathroom.

- This is the office space through the bathroom also connected to the kitchen.  This is where master plans are made.

- Sweet!  Can we go upstairs now?  Sure.

- Oh, so there’s a HUGE room up here with insane views, a private roof deck, another bathroom, separate entrance and two closets?  Yup.

- Not a bad spot for an entertainment set-up.

- Half bath for your showering convenience.

- Custom closets make things much neater.

- From the railing looking back on your future chill/work zone.

- Now from the other direction.  Private.  Epic.

- Available October 1st, 2011.

- Heat/hot water are paid for by tenant.  Cooking gas is included.

- 1100 sq.ft.

- It’s a 3rd floor walk-up so get ready to schlep.

- Located here.

- Comment on this post to set up an appointment.  Thank ya!

$1650-3250, Lofts and 1brs Bergin’ it UP! (Marcy Ave. J,M,Z)

Quite frankly, Mr. Shankly, I’m a bit shocked by how fast these newbie condo factory loft conversion rental units have been moving despite outrageous listing prices and half-done construction.  Feels like 2005 again and that’s not good for the people that think there are bargains abound.

Have a bite of this Williamsburger:

Loft Unit 1D – $1650/m

- BOINNNG!  Kinda got psyched on the light and space in here.

- I may be sold on the double deep bathtub alone.

- A skeleton of a kitchen but the full line of Kitchen Aid stainless steel appliances including dishwasher is just a whisper in the tool belt of the installers right now.  Other units have the full monty which you will see lower on down this thread.

- Always helpful to get a glimpse of what the scene looks like out your bigass window.

- Angle from the floor.  I do dig that there is still more than a fair amount of sky for you to behold… no obnoxious structures, save the W’bg bridge and HSBC building, to sully your eye.

- Always a fan of the master plan.

1br Unit 1C – $2650/m

- This is what I’m talkin’ about “outrageous list prices.”  Same layout, maybe 80 more square feet MAYBE than the loft right next door, same view, same light.  Only difference, there’s a couple pieces of dry wall in there making it technically a 1br, and inconceivably $1000 more per month.  Boo.

- Shell kitchen yet again with that big closet looming.

- I am rather fond of these tubs!

- Here’s that bedroom space I alluded to earlier.  I give this a, “Wanh-wanh.”

1br Unit 6A – $2530/m

- Movin’ on up!  To the sixth floooor.  Roughly the same price as the 1b on the first floor but it’s higher, quieter, brigher and seemingly more spacious.

- Full kitchen monty kickin’ it.  Boom!

- Scrub a dub DUB!

- The dome is yours to behold from your pretty sweetass bedroom view.

- And yes!  The bedrooms do have closets.

- Here’s your view from the hallway leading into your 6th floor unit.  It’s like WWII England all over again!

Loft Unit 5E – $1895/m

- Always a bummer when the prop people leave their shit in here when I’m trying to take pics.  Otherwise, this could be a totally doable space with that dome up in yo face.

- The bathrooms are the most homogeneous things in this building but I still envision myself submerged in Epsom salts in that tubby!

- Kitchen kabootle without the joy of pulling off those blue factory wrappings.

1b Corner Unit – $3250

- Definitely something different in here.  Turbo window action.  This is the least expensive of the available corner 1brs left.  The go up a couple hundo with each successive flight of stairs.

- Another glamorous shot down the side.

- The faint trace of flint and marajuana told me the electricians had recently been in the bedroom.

- I could get used to having breakfast in this kozy kitchen korner.

- It’s gratuitous at this point but let me just act out my OCD posting behavior, will ya!

- Laundry is FREE in the building.  Didn’t delve too deeply into how that goes down but that’s what I’m told.

- Utilities are NOT included.  Super lame.

- First, last, and one month security to move in (that’s 3x the rent, folks).

- Didn’t make it up to the roof deck but I’m also told it is to be decked out and furnished for common use.

- Pet’s are kind of cool.  There’s a “pet interview,” where they ask your pet a bunch of psychological questions to see if it has psychic abilities.

- Available February 1st, 2010.

- Map here.

Comment the HECK outta this if you wish to be replied to.

$1785 – 1br by the imaginary sea (Graham L)

When I lived this close to the BQE back when rent was $400/month, I’d close my eyes real tight and pretend the whooshing of the cars was really the foamy waves of the Jersey Shore.

Check this place out, Snooki!

- Looks like a scene from some SoCal crime drama.  This here’s the living room.

- This is where the future action is to take place.

- Yummy things will be made here.  Dishwasher for washing dishes and cats.

- Quite a nice bathroom I must say.  I’d be happy to bathe here on the regular.

- There’s the Jersey Shore!  And in the distance, your view of the skyline.  Oh, and that’s your balcony right there in front.

- If indeed you ARE going down to Seaside Hights, NJ, you’re gonna have to spend some serious time carbo-loading and pumpin’ some iron down here in the fitness center.  Cappishe?

- Lastly and not leastly, is the sick-ass view from the common roof deck.  You’ll thank me when we’re kickin’ it up there on the 4th of July raining Roman candle fire down on the BQE below.

- Utilities are NOT included.  LAME!

- Available Feb. 1.

- Pets are A-OK.

- 1st month rent and 1 month security to move in.

- Map here.

Comments will grant you access… so do comment.

$3000 – 1br of Total Awesomeness (2nd Ave. F, V, J, M, Z)

Look what I saw in the East Village today!

Can’t tell you who I showed it to already because you’d be too jealous to read on.

- WHAM-O!  Big ass living room.  Corner unit with windows everywhere overlooking a freakin’ sculpture garden!  Supremely rad.

- Here’s that sculpture garden… I ain’t lyin!

- Kitchen’s totally acceptable in my book, and my book was written by Jaques Pepin!  Plus with all those yummers restaurants around this spot, who needs to cook?  You’ve got Nicki’s Bahn Mi, Caracas arepas, tons of ramen, Neopolitana… and that’s just off the top of my head.

- Super spacious bedroom with heater/cooling unit.  Fake brick, I know, but who gives a rat’s ass?  It’s dope in here!

- Bedroom closet, y’all.  Great for your clothes or small guests.

- The bathroom.  Great for washing up!

- Yup!  Totally shared courtyard wonderfully maintained with grills awaiting your marinated eggplants.

- Sill can’t tell you who it is but this place ALSO has a roof deck.

- Not sure if heat/hot water are included yet.

- Not sure about pets either but I’ll update soon.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Comment and I’ll respond unless that super huge rock star in the photo snatches this up.

$1525-2400 – From Studio to 2br, it’s Greenpoint GALORE! (Greenpoint Ave. G)

This may prove to be the longest post I’ve attempted thus far.  Alas, it is not only a pleasure but my DUTY to perform.

Allons-y!

STUDIO

- To begin at the beginning, we’ll start with the studio.  394 sq.ft. of living space on the 1st floor for $1525 ain’t too shabby.  My only worry is the “beer spa” opening up right next door.  Could mean a good chance for you to demand a lifetime supply (or at least 12-months) of free suds.

- I just noticed this but I think that’s an induction range up there.  Super-efficient and functional.  Clean layout and plenty of counter space.

- Nicely tiled, marbled, and never used.  What’s up with that weird ghost on the wall?

2-BEDROOM CENTER

- Same (1st) floor, 2br, 785 sq. ft., listed at $2150/month.  Weird thing about this is that it’s in the middle of the building so there aren’t actually any windows that look out onto a street, per se.  It’s loaded  with skylights that makes it feel a little like the underground space farm where Luke Skywalker grew up on Tatooine.

- Skylights a-poppin’, here’s what the two bedrooms look like side-by-side.  Definitely has nice privacy and separation for roomies but still, it’s that Star Wars feel that could be hit or miss.

- Kitchen!  Look familiar?  Everything looks VERY homogeneous but I assure you, this is the spread you’ll find adoring this particular unit.  You’ll see.

- Again, a familiar but welcome sight – clean, neat, and never used.

- One thing this unit seems to be lacking are closets.  I think there’s one but I can’t remember.  They made it hard to reach up for it with some overhead storage atop the kitchen.  And hey, there’s those Star Wars skylights again!

1-BEDROOM REAR

- I was’t trying to make this a sci-fi themed episode, but as you venture further down this Death Star-like corridor away from the underground space farm pictured above, you’ll come to some rather charming rear 1br units.  The living rooms have lots of natural light and you can get a peek of the decorative fireplace in the bedroom back there.  They’re listed between 1900-2500, depending on outdoor space availability (the 2nd image above shows the patio door).

- Here’s that bedroom I alluded to earlier.  Cute right?

- I love chrome.

- Here’s where that patio door leads.  I’m told a wood deck will be added along with a railing so you can’t peek down into the Star Wars space farms below.

- The other rear 1br has a stairwell that leads up to this roof deck and again, from what I’m told, it’s private and there will be some kind of decking in the near future.  Sick view.

1-BEDROOM FRONT

- Much of how this complex is laid out needs a proper walk-through to be truly understood but this here side of the building looks out over Greenpoint Ave.  Everything look a bit more standard to me on this side  but certainly you have a bright living room just aching to be furnished.

- A cyclops of the latter image but there’s plenty of room for a big ol’ bed in there.  Behind me there’s the bathroom and a closet.

- What I tell ya.

- No surpises here!

- It’s up to you which water tower you like better but I personally prefer this photo.  Good cell phone reception up here too.

1-BEDROOM CENTER

- I didn’t do this intentionally but I actually saved the most bizarre interesting for last.  What’s shown is what I think is being called a “1br” in the center of the lot with skylights bearing the only natural light in the unit.  Above is what you see when you walk in… feels a little like wandering onto the set of THX-1138.

- Master Control… FINISH THE GAME!  Oh… sorry.  Tron reference.  Um… this is the “bedroom.”  (Play Twilight Zone theme music here.)

- Are we there yet?

- I’ll be in the tub if you need me.

- You read all the way down to the end of this post only to find a picture of a closet.  SUCKER!!!  Jk.  It’s a closet, see!  Okay, wrap it up, punchy.

- Available November, 2008.

- Doesn’t seem that the landlord is paying for much or any in the way of heat and/or hot water.

- Pets RULE!

- Coin-op laundry in the building (soon) but there’s the laundry place right on Franklin run by the nice Spanish lady and the mean Asian lady.

- A moonwalk from the Greenpoint Ave G.  I’m not going into the G’s defense but if you time it right, it’s there.

- Map here.

Comment now if you can even stand to at this point.

PS. Thanks for your patience.