$2900 – 2br w/Private PARTY-O (Greenpoint Ave. G)

Lovers and friends, a glimpse of Greenpoint’s living end.

Have a party:

- A triple window play for maximum living room pleasure.

- Less kitch, more in.

- Do graphs, play boxes, or contemplate the grid while refreshing.

- A perch in the trees with a calm leafy breeze.  A bedroom fit for a kingfisher.

- Charming and quaint, a craphole this ain’t.  Bedroom #2 pour vous.

- Patio.  Party-o.  Let’s dance.  It’s private.

- Available May 1st, 2012.

- Pets are totally cool.

- Heat/hot water included but that’s about it.

- Map here.

Drop me an email limerick or comment on this post for a guided tour by your host.

$1900-4200 – Hello Greenpoint! I want to move to you! (G’pt Ave. G.)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, your ship has at last come in.

The new building full of brand spanking new gorgeous rentals on Kent St. x West St. and Franklin are available. And guess who can get you in there first… (?)

Show ‘em what they’ve got, Rod:

- From the outside, a completely respectable reno.  Sand blasted brick and subtle detail restoration of what was the “original” pencil factory.

1br w/Private Outdoor Space

- Polished poured concrete floors and a skylight gives you some serious glow for this ground floor 1br with outdoor space.  Built-in AC units keeping things chill in here but the rest of the building has central air/heat.

- There’s your private entrance to your private patio outdoor space of total serenity.

- This be the actual bedroom of the 1br we be discussing here.  Sleeps one comfortably, two preferred (wink-wink)… or three? Naughty naughty!

- All the bathrooms, aside from the half baths, are like this.  Full tub, sinks with drawers, toilet seats with plastic covers on them.

- The developers of this place actually got it right – DEEP closets all over every unit.  In the bedrooms, in the hallways.  Explore your inner hoarder.

- You’ll need to squint and use your imagination slightly here.  Aside from it being slightly blurry, there will one day be a nice new energy-efficient fridge and dishwasher in those large gaps to the left and right of the frame.  Otherwise, this is basically the kitchen layout for all the units.  Bon appetite!

1br Upper Floor

- Hellllloooo?  Echo!!!!  Sloth… love… Chunk!!!  There are some 1brs in this building that can convert to 2brs because they’re so damn huge.  This is one example.

- An 180 degree turn to the left from the above photo reveals this.  In between those two windows along the right side is where a pressure wall could be installed to add another bedroom.  Up to you.

- A peak around the archway reveals the bedroom in which you may find yourself sleeping soundly.  While window does happen to face Kent St., I don’t think a car has driven down it since the late 1800s.

- If I may interject a moment of reality here, heat and cool are controlled by the tenant in all units… which means they are paid for by the tenant.  If you keep it at off all the time, you won’t pay a dime.

1br w/Balcony & City Views

- Ok, back to the fun and excitement.  View-oooo-oooooos!  This unit will have a balcony where you can hang out with your coffee and terry cloth leisure suit.

- The living room… oh, and there’s the door to that balcony I was telling you about.

- Some more imagination kitchen.  These are done now so when we view, you won’t have to envision anything.

- It’s like a spa in here.

2br Duplex w/Private Outdoor Space

- Yup.  Duplexes.  Crazy space and a second floor for office, recreation, and parties when your parents go out of town.

- Another look at the main room and hallway.  That banged up door on the left leads to your private patio shangri-la.

- This is the stairwell of another duplex also on the ground floor but you can see how these units are all very different.  Lots of possibilities for good livin… for instance, here you can stage your own performance of Macbeth.

- This is the living room attached to the photo above.  Dope.

- “Yeah, hi, I’m gonna need two closets right next to each other.”  Sure, no problem.

- Again, heat/cool not included (sorry Charlie).

- Prices are not fully determined but 1bs are between 1900-3200 and the 2brs go as high as 4200 but that’s the ceiling.

- Move-in is looking like mid-September but could be November 1st.

- Map here.

Give me a holler or comment on this post if you’d like to view.  I’ll be there all day Thursday 8/25 giving special guided tours if you’re around.

$1400-2800 – 1b and duplex that make Bed Stuy stay alive (Nostrand Ave. A C)

At some point, after passing through two projects and a food desert of grimy bodegas and bullet-proof glass Chinese restaurants, Bed Stuy gets nice.

Here’s where my BMX took me today:

The Bush Doctor!  He whipped me up an almond milk açai berry voodoo drink with cinnemon.  Did me RIGHT!  Apparently he’s making house calls.

That’s Terry, the Bush Doctor’s apprentice and nicest dude I’ve encountered in a while.  He did mention there’ve been about 6 shootings in the area,, drug related mostly.  He also clued me into the fact that all of the great empires since Genghis Khan (including ours) have fallen in Afghanistan and that Bin Laden’s been dead since 1996.

- Delighted and somewhat surprised to see a halfway decent furniture store out here actually.

- And another!

- Word on the street is that Peaches is peachy.  Haven’t tried but I keep a keen ear to the street (((pulls black tar gum out of hair))).

- Evidently, Big George’s is no longer serving soulfood “plus.”  It wasn’t clear to me what exactly was going on there actually.  I don’t read too deeply into these things.  M’kay, enough neighborhood highlights, let’s look at where you can live.

Halsey St. 1b – $1400/m

- Kind of a cacophony in there but give the girl a break, she’s moving!

- Detail of where you could plop your hiney once settled.

- I do relish this kitchen.  Cozy, tiled, nice light, good appliances.  Très satisfaisant.

- Pah-lenty of room for that big ‘ol sleigh bed of yours.

- The tub’s feet aren’t molded claws but hell, it’s just as amazing!  I’d be bathing constantly.

- The tasteful Argentine owner collects really nice furniture and is willing to donate this to the unit.  My friend Kate seems to think this looks like something that should be in the lounge at a Thai restaurant but then again, she was about to buy a saggy-ass black leather sofa off CL just because it was cheap. Sheesh!  Right now the couche in her duplex which is also for rent.  (see below)

Halsey St. 2br Duplex – $2800/m

- Livin’ good in da hood.  Super charming, original details, bright.  (((sigh)))

- Really?  Sick kitchen.  There’s another huge wall of shelves off the edge of the frame to the left.  So sick.

- Mmmmhmmmm.  Elevated patio to make you feel haughty on Halsey.

- Oh… what’s that down there?  A f’n massive lawn, grow space, and grill to serve the better part of the block.  Could use a little grass seed and some love in the planters but it’s still early in the season, y’all.  Don’t hate.

- Half bath on the first floor for when you wanna use a little sink.

- Now we’re on the “du” of the “plex.” I generally feel bad taking pics of people’s bedrooms when they’re still sleeping in them but this is the owner’s and she said it was cool.  I just really like how it’s both a workspace and a sleep space.  Those shutters are dope.  And the ironwork?  Tight.

- I didn’t check to see what the feet were like on the tub because I didn’t want to seem like a freak but fuggit.  Again, it’s an elevated enameled tub that you can submerge in.  Need I say more?

- If this is where your roommate lives, they’re sure to pay the rent on time.  If this is your guest room, your guests are sure to return.

- One last peek at the yard from the ground level.

- 1br is available May 1st.  Duplex can be made available starting May 1st.

- Heat/hot water included.

- Pets are fine (I think, I need to check on that for sure).

- Map here.

Would LEURVE to hear your comments about this.  It’s also how I know you’re interested in viewing, k?

$1890-3000 – Vinny Hill vs. Navy Yard: Who’s tougher? (York St. F or Clinton/Wash. G)

Like a couple ‘a tramps, Vinegar Hill and the Navy Yard have been the knockaround neighborhoods for as long as anyone can remember.

Both hoods are just far enough from the subway to be annoying and the present housing offerings are different but the same.

See:

Vinegar Hill – Loft 1 ($3000/month)

- Windowy!  It’s a corner unit facing the street with river views and a private patio hence the price tag.

- All the finest in standard appliances and fixtures.  You can see how the space is really just a giant rectangle.  But, whu-where’s the fridge?

- Here it is (that sliver of blue to the left of the photo).  Why?  Just chillin’ I guess.  No tub makes it hard to take a bath.

- And here’s the amenity any (relatively) fresh air loving renter’s been waiting for – your own plot of astro turf!  It’s a little dark but you walk out on this bridge to a partitioned area for your fill of outdoor recreation.

Vinegar Hill – Loft 2 ($2500)

- Purportedly the “best deal,” this one’s slightly cheaper.  It’s another corner rectangle drenched in sunlight.  No outdoor space but all the other supplied living essentials are intact.

- You can kind of get a feel for the width of the place with this shot.

- I just wanna run up and rip that plastic off the never-before-used microwave!

- That’s another fridge to the right there.  Same thing going on in this bathroom as in the other one.  Ho-hum.

Vinegar Hill – Loft 3 ($2300)

- Things are starting to really look the same now except that wall to the left is angled sightly making this one into an irregular polygon as opposed to a rectangle.  Geometry lovers, this one’s for you.

- Hey, corner kitchen!  Looks different but is really the same (appliances, fixtures, etc.).

- Remember that doorway in the background of the first picture of this unit?  Well, there’s where it leads.  I think it’s about 2 square feet of balcony overlooking the roof of the neighbors.

- Not for nothin’, this IS the view it gives you.

- PS. The fridge was blocking the bathroom too much for me to snap a photo but you can expect it to look exactly the same as the others posted.

Vinegar Hill – Loft 4 ($2300)

- A slightly wider rectangle, maybe more like a square come to think of it.

- Kitchen seems a little more squat than its neighbors.

- A slightly different angle with light bouncing all over the place.

- PS. Same thing happened with the fridge blocking my view of the bathroom but, again, it’s the same shit thing as above.

- I would be remiss if I didn’t check out the roof deck for you.

- Pretty nice common area to whack some golf balls into the river or slice into the electrical plant.

- I believe heat/hot water are included but I’ll double check for you.  Gas/electric are not.

- It’s an easy application process for this one.  All they really care about is good credit.

- 24/hour doorman or woman.

- Laundry in the building.

- These and about 20 more like them are available now.

- Map here.

Navy Yard – Loft 1 ($1890)

- It was a little tricky to shoot this one for some reason but this is the front part of the slightly “L-shaped” layout.  Those are your three portals to the outer world.

- It’s a little kitchen cubby but not the worst place to prepare a meal.  There is, in fact, a dishwasher lurking behind that low left wall.

- Here’s how the kitchen looks with a little bit of the rear of the loft in the background.  Ce ne pas grave.

- Out of the darkness, the rear of the loft is revealed.  That back area looks like a good place for either a bed, if you don’t mind sleeping that close to your front door, or a workspace.  Just throwin’ out some ideas.

- Hooray!  A tub!  That yellow hue is coming from whatever tint is on that light fixture which is a little acidic for my tastes but that’s just me.  Just like anything else, it can be changed.

- Oh yeah, hell yeah.  Closets to the right…

- …and closets to the left.  Well, closet singular.

- I suppose this is my one qualm about the units in this building – the janky-ass popcorn sprayed concrete ceiling.  This is a form of asbestos sequestration that looks great if you’re renting out the space for a sweat shop or building materials storage depot but for living, it may or may not be slightly off-putting.  Again, this is just me talkin’ here.

- For the location being what it is, super far from the train and ridiculously close to the BQE, these guys make up for it with a 6-month membership to their spa (wish I’d checked it out actually), one month free rent, all utilities included (except cable but all service providers are already in the building), and there’s an organic grocer and fancy Cuban restaurant butt up against it.

- Garage parking available for $150/month.

- 24/hour doorman or woman.

- Laundry in the building.

- Rent stabilized.

- Available April 1st.

- Map here.

And there you have it!  Comment to this post so I know you’re alive and interested.

$1525-2400 – From Studio to 2br, it’s Greenpoint GALORE! (Greenpoint Ave. G)

This may prove to be the longest post I’ve attempted thus far.  Alas, it is not only a pleasure but my DUTY to perform.

Allons-y!

STUDIO

- To begin at the beginning, we’ll start with the studio.  394 sq.ft. of living space on the 1st floor for $1525 ain’t too shabby.  My only worry is the “beer spa” opening up right next door.  Could mean a good chance for you to demand a lifetime supply (or at least 12-months) of free suds.

- I just noticed this but I think that’s an induction range up there.  Super-efficient and functional.  Clean layout and plenty of counter space.

- Nicely tiled, marbled, and never used.  What’s up with that weird ghost on the wall?

2-BEDROOM CENTER

- Same (1st) floor, 2br, 785 sq. ft., listed at $2150/month.  Weird thing about this is that it’s in the middle of the building so there aren’t actually any windows that look out onto a street, per se.  It’s loaded  with skylights that makes it feel a little like the underground space farm where Luke Skywalker grew up on Tatooine.

- Skylights a-poppin’, here’s what the two bedrooms look like side-by-side.  Definitely has nice privacy and separation for roomies but still, it’s that Star Wars feel that could be hit or miss.

- Kitchen!  Look familiar?  Everything looks VERY homogeneous but I assure you, this is the spread you’ll find adoring this particular unit.  You’ll see.

- Again, a familiar but welcome sight – clean, neat, and never used.

- One thing this unit seems to be lacking are closets.  I think there’s one but I can’t remember.  They made it hard to reach up for it with some overhead storage atop the kitchen.  And hey, there’s those Star Wars skylights again!

1-BEDROOM REAR

- I was’t trying to make this a sci-fi themed episode, but as you venture further down this Death Star-like corridor away from the underground space farm pictured above, you’ll come to some rather charming rear 1br units.  The living rooms have lots of natural light and you can get a peek of the decorative fireplace in the bedroom back there.  They’re listed between 1900-2500, depending on outdoor space availability (the 2nd image above shows the patio door).

- Here’s that bedroom I alluded to earlier.  Cute right?

- I love chrome.

- Here’s where that patio door leads.  I’m told a wood deck will be added along with a railing so you can’t peek down into the Star Wars space farms below.

- The other rear 1br has a stairwell that leads up to this roof deck and again, from what I’m told, it’s private and there will be some kind of decking in the near future.  Sick view.

1-BEDROOM FRONT

- Much of how this complex is laid out needs a proper walk-through to be truly understood but this here side of the building looks out over Greenpoint Ave.  Everything look a bit more standard to me on this side  but certainly you have a bright living room just aching to be furnished.

- A cyclops of the latter image but there’s plenty of room for a big ol’ bed in there.  Behind me there’s the bathroom and a closet.

- What I tell ya.

- No surpises here!

- It’s up to you which water tower you like better but I personally prefer this photo.  Good cell phone reception up here too.

1-BEDROOM CENTER

- I didn’t do this intentionally but I actually saved the most bizarre interesting for last.  What’s shown is what I think is being called a “1br” in the center of the lot with skylights bearing the only natural light in the unit.  Above is what you see when you walk in… feels a little like wandering onto the set of THX-1138.

- Master Control… FINISH THE GAME!  Oh… sorry.  Tron reference.  Um… this is the “bedroom.”  (Play Twilight Zone theme music here.)

- Are we there yet?

- I’ll be in the tub if you need me.

- You read all the way down to the end of this post only to find a picture of a closet.  SUCKER!!!  Jk.  It’s a closet, see!  Okay, wrap it up, punchy.

- Available November, 2008.

- Doesn’t seem that the landlord is paying for much or any in the way of heat and/or hot water.

- Pets RULE!

- Coin-op laundry in the building (soon) but there’s the laundry place right on Franklin run by the nice Spanish lady and the mean Asian lady.

- A moonwalk from the Greenpoint Ave G.  I’m not going into the G’s defense but if you time it right, it’s there.

- Map here.

Comment now if you can even stand to at this point.

PS. Thanks for your patience.