$1650-3250, Lofts and 1brs Bergin’ it UP! (Marcy Ave. J,M,Z)

Quite frankly, Mr. Shankly, I’m a bit shocked by how fast these newbie condo factory loft conversion rental units have been moving despite outrageous listing prices and half-done construction.  Feels like 2005 again and that’s not good for the people that think there are bargains abound.

Have a bite of this Williamsburger:

Loft Unit 1D – $1650/m

- BOINNNG!  Kinda got psyched on the light and space in here.

- I may be sold on the double deep bathtub alone.

- A skeleton of a kitchen but the full line of Kitchen Aid stainless steel appliances including dishwasher is just a whisper in the tool belt of the installers right now.  Other units have the full monty which you will see lower on down this thread.

- Always helpful to get a glimpse of what the scene looks like out your bigass window.

- Angle from the floor.  I do dig that there is still more than a fair amount of sky for you to behold… no obnoxious structures, save the W’bg bridge and HSBC building, to sully your eye.

- Always a fan of the master plan.

1br Unit 1C – $2650/m

- This is what I’m talkin’ about “outrageous list prices.”  Same layout, maybe 80 more square feet MAYBE than the loft right next door, same view, same light.  Only difference, there’s a couple pieces of dry wall in there making it technically a 1br, and inconceivably $1000 more per month.  Boo.

- Shell kitchen yet again with that big closet looming.

- I am rather fond of these tubs!

- Here’s that bedroom space I alluded to earlier.  I give this a, “Wanh-wanh.”

1br Unit 6A – $2530/m

- Movin’ on up!  To the sixth floooor.  Roughly the same price as the 1b on the first floor but it’s higher, quieter, brigher and seemingly more spacious.

- Full kitchen monty kickin’ it.  Boom!

- Scrub a dub DUB!

- The dome is yours to behold from your pretty sweetass bedroom view.

- And yes!  The bedrooms do have closets.

- Here’s your view from the hallway leading into your 6th floor unit.  It’s like WWII England all over again!

Loft Unit 5E – $1895/m

- Always a bummer when the prop people leave their shit in here when I’m trying to take pics.  Otherwise, this could be a totally doable space with that dome up in yo face.

- The bathrooms are the most homogeneous things in this building but I still envision myself submerged in Epsom salts in that tubby!

- Kitchen kabootle without the joy of pulling off those blue factory wrappings.

1b Corner Unit – $3250

- Definitely something different in here.  Turbo window action.  This is the least expensive of the available corner 1brs left.  The go up a couple hundo with each successive flight of stairs.

- Another glamorous shot down the side.

- The faint trace of flint and marajuana told me the electricians had recently been in the bedroom.

- I could get used to having breakfast in this kozy kitchen korner.

- It’s gratuitous at this point but let me just act out my OCD posting behavior, will ya!

- Laundry is FREE in the building.  Didn’t delve too deeply into how that goes down but that’s what I’m told.

- Utilities are NOT included.  Super lame.

- First, last, and one month security to move in (that’s 3x the rent, folks).

- Didn’t make it up to the roof deck but I’m also told it is to be decked out and furnished for common use.

- Pet’s are kind of cool.  There’s a “pet interview,” where they ask your pet a bunch of psychological questions to see if it has psychic abilities.

- Available February 1st, 2010.

- Map here.

Comment the HECK outta this if you wish to be replied to.

$3000 – 1br of Total Awesomeness (2nd Ave. F, V, J, M, Z)

Look what I saw in the East Village today!

Can’t tell you who I showed it to already because you’d be too jealous to read on.

- WHAM-O!  Big ass living room.  Corner unit with windows everywhere overlooking a freakin’ sculpture garden!  Supremely rad.

- Here’s that sculpture garden… I ain’t lyin!

- Kitchen’s totally acceptable in my book, and my book was written by Jaques Pepin!  Plus with all those yummers restaurants around this spot, who needs to cook?  You’ve got Nicki’s Bahn Mi, Caracas arepas, tons of ramen, Neopolitana… and that’s just off the top of my head.

- Super spacious bedroom with heater/cooling unit.  Fake brick, I know, but who gives a rat’s ass?  It’s dope in here!

- Bedroom closet, y’all.  Great for your clothes or small guests.

- The bathroom.  Great for washing up!

- Yup!  Totally shared courtyard wonderfully maintained with grills awaiting your marinated eggplants.

- Sill can’t tell you who it is but this place ALSO has a roof deck.

- Not sure if heat/hot water are included yet.

- Not sure about pets either but I’ll update soon.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Comment and I’ll respond unless that super huge rock star in the photo snatches this up.

$2800 – 3brs of Park Slope NICEY-nice (Union St. M,R)

The math totally works on this one – three people, less than $1,000 each AND heat/hot water are included.

Say WORD!

- Living space.  The final frontier.

- Dinner party anyone?  Kitchen is OPEN for business!  “Hey man, you need help with those dishes.” Nope. No worries, man… I got a damn dishwasher.

- Bedroom 1: Looks like FUN!

- Bedroom 2: Squibbily doo!

- Bedroom 3: Maybe not for me because it’s a little teeny-weeny.  But if you have to pee, you’ll be singin’ tweedily DEE [because it's right near the bathroom...]

- …which is right here.  Majorly into the foggy-glass-window-in-the-shower thing and the black/white tiles.  Save a few bucks, our fragile ocean marine habitat, and some hundreds of thousands of years not having to bio-degrade PVC shower cutrains too.

- Pets seem rad.

- Heat/hot water IN-CLOO-DID. Yup!

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

May the lone journeyman or journeywoman come forth and claim thy castle (by commenting).

$1500 – 1br, Fast and Loose (Prospect Ave. M,R)

South Slope is still the mild mild west but there’s always the random troubadour who’s dying to get in on one of these slightly run down, relatively cental, quite spacious places.

Come hither…

- Pretty giant-sized kitchen/living space.  Guess those high Cylon-eye windows are so you can forget about the squalor that is 4th Ave.

- Kitchen and yes, a dishwasher.  Tada!

- A sliver of a bathroom but it’s all ready for you to clean it, Mr. Swiffer!

- I found this bedroom rather difficult to photograph because it’s such a long and somewhat narrow room.  So there’s the first angle…

- …and there’s the other.

- Utilities are NOT included.  Lame.

- Laundry is on the corner.  Not too bad.

- Pets gotta be cool… how could the landlord deny you the companionship of a pet.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

Give me a little dose of your comment juice, will ya!?

$1800 – TWO 2br duplexes in a friggin’ SICK HOUSE (Halsey St. J)

Some may call this the “nice part” of Bed Stuy.  Everything’s clean, no syringes or used condoms in the park, the brownstones are impeccably kept and the neighbors actually wave and say hello.  It’s light years from anything resembling a Brooklyn scene except for that stuff happening on Lewis Ave… but then again, isn’t that why you’re moving?

Follow closely this tour of your future home:

LOWER DUPLEX (2br – $1800)

- We’ll start from the ground floor and work our way up.   This is the first room you see when you walk in under the front stoop.  Likely it’s to be used as your main living area with plenty of space and mellow light.

- Newly renovated ground floor kitchen from one angle…

- Long table with inviting stools in the ground floor kitchen from the other angle.  And that’s the door to your…

- …private back yard.  There’s the essence of cat piss back there but the landlord, a kind and insanely friendly woman, has promised to mend a broken section of the fence and repour the concrete.  Lot’s of growing space under some pretty trees.

- And don’t worry about hauling your rusty-ass hibachi over… there’s a freakin’ new Weber that the previous tenants left for you (shown “regular” and “trippy” style).  You’re welcome.

- Now that you’ve come down off your “we’re getting a backyard with a grill!” high, we’re ready to schlep up the stairs to your other private floor where the bedrooms be at.  This is the one in the back of the house.

- This is the totally excellent shelving unit built into the closet in the aforementioned and aforepictured bedroom.

- This is the incredibly cute half bath found in the aforementioned/aforepictured bedroom above.

- As soon as you’re ready to blow everyone’s mind when you say, “Welcome to my bedroom,” you can totally use this room for the backdrop.  All original molding, lighting fixtures, mirror, shelving and stained glass can be found in this front bedroom on the 1st floor. Pimp shit.

- Lily white porcelain parlour for your pleasure still here on the 1st floor.  Now let’s head on up to the 2nd…

UPPER DUPLEX (3br – $1850)

- Too difficult to photograph adequately with my little Lumix even with the 16:9 aspect ratio setting, this is the 2nd floor living room with crazy light.

- Clean and skuzz free.  2nd floor bathroom all shiny and new.

- Here’s where my memory starts to get a little weak… can’t remember if this bedroom is on the 2nd or 3rd floors.  Alas, it’s part of the UPPER DUPLEX and you can easily fit a large bed in there.

- This might be the only bummer thing about the UPPER DUPLEX.  Kind of a smallish kitchen but I know it’s on the 3rd floor because of the rad skylight.

- Just when you thought, “How many fireplaces and bedrooms could there possibly be in an $1800/month apartment?”…then you discover this shellacked beauty on the 3rd floor.

- Perhaps the freakiest room in the house.  May I present the Oompa Loompa-Children in the Attic-Mommy Dearest Room.  Probably good for an office if you can keep the screaming out of your head.

- Heat/hot water controlled and paid for by tenant.

- Not sure about pets but the landlord didn’t seem to excited about the prospect.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Post a comment and ye shall receive further instructions on how to obtain a lease for this prize property.