$1095 – 1br (possible 1.5br duplex) down by the river (Graham L, Nassau G)

A single man (or woman) might find solace here in this neat and tidy unit in Greenpoint down by the river Newtown Creek.

Now you’ll see what I see…

- Spacious and gracious bedroom.  Accordion metal gates give it just a hint of danger.  Situated in the back of the building so the din of industry won’t disturb thee.

- Plenty ‘o closet for ye.

- Every king (or queen) needs his (or her) throne.  Sorry it’s a bit blurry but you can make out the outlines of the essentials.

- Technically this is the dining/living/kitchen.  All it’s really got goin’ for it is that little window high up there and the cabinets are an olivy green shade of gross.

- Here’s the great surprise… there’s another unit that’s privately connected to the one upstairs!  That means this is technically a duplex.  SAWEET!

- This is the bathroom that goes with it.  Standing shower and I swear there’s a toilet back there.

- And it gets SWEETER!  Your own private backyard patio and…

- …you’re own private ALLEY!  Never had one of these myself so I don’t know what to really do with it.  Might be an interesting place to grow vines.  Suggestions would be GREAT!

- You don’t need to rent both units to have the benefit of this common coin-op laundry!  Pretty sweet convenience considering there’s not much at all out by where this building is.

- Heat and hot water are INDEED included.

- If you choose to rent both units, the monthly total comes to $1495.

- Landlord requires first, last, and security to move in (that’s 3x the rent.)

- Not sure about pets but if you comment and ask me, I’ll find out.

- Available 12/1/09

- Map here.

First person to comment gets it.  GO!

$2400 – 3br: GIGANTOR the Williamsburger! (Nassau G)

WEEW!  Just got a call from the Loft Ninja and he’s so down to join cataclysmic sales and leasing forces with I, Mr. Lister Twister!  (sound of giant explosion happening in the background).

While I haven’t seen with my own mortal eyes, my prescient “chosen one”  mind’s eye has shown me… THIS!

- Ah ha!  A fully formed kitchen.  The quantum particles are all in place and ready to make toast.

- (fingers pressing forcefully into temples) I…I’m making out a door… YES!  A door that leads to other rooms… something which I think… YES!  It’s a hallway!

- Do you smell smoke?  Wait… NO!  That’s a frireplace!  Is it working?  My senses cannot tell but I’ll ask.

- Is a dimensional portal?  NO!  It’s a window in a room, quite possibly best used for a bedroom.  Can’t psychically tell if there’s a closet in here or not… but maybe this is just that “3rd bedroom” that’s really best used as a Mac lab.

- Oh sweet mystery of life… almost positive this is one of the two actual bedrooms.

- My powers of prescience are fading… this is either another shot of the “through-the-doorway” angle above or the other of the two bedrooms.  DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!!!

- Available asap.

- Not sure about heat/hot water but like most places in the G’pt/W’brg borderlands, it’s not.

- Map here.

Use the comment box to access my thoughts and I’ll send you a psychic email.

$1800 – Studio of Ft. Greeneness (Fulton G, Lafayette C)

Hey!  Ho!  Wadda ya know?  Got another studio, yo-yo-yo!

Regardez.

- It’s a bit dim because it was like 7pm and I wasn’t using the flash but you can get a halfway decent feel for the space.   I mean, it’s a studio… what were you expecting?  Did that sound jerky?  I meant, “it’s a studio… um… okay?”

-KA-YOOT kitchen.  Simply precious.  Here you can make dainty little meals for yourself nonstop.

- La douche.  That’s French for “shower.”  Here you can douche yourself… or as we Americans say, “shower yourself.”

- PA-LENTEEE of room for a boogie board and the ephemera of your wanderings.  Just look at those hand built shelves!  They’re staying so don’t worry yourself.

- Just think how spooky it’ll be on Halloween night when the sun sets and casts this eerie twilight glow through your awesome old school small-paned window and you’ll be all set to go in your hand-made chain mail knight outfit and you’ll give out a battle cry that shakes the Masonic temple down the street as you venture out on an eve of all hallows!

MUHUHAAHAHAH!

- Heat and hot water included (electricity is not but it’s like $9/month).

- Available as soon as you are.

- Map here.

Comment, brave knight, and ye’ shall be challenged!

$2100 – 2br SNEAK FREAK (Graham L & Nassau G)

Trying out this iPhone app thingy ding dong.

The following is a place in one of my really good friend/biz partner’s buiding on the 3rd floor of this absolute gem of an old school Greenpoint pre-war apartment.

Entrée!

Since I can’t caption everything like I’m used to, just know that the craftsmanship is all by hand, original details preserved, and there are windows throughout.

While a single person or tasteful couple could live here quite comfortably, the potential for it to function as a share is imminently possible.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Pets are Jim Dandy.

- Not sure about utilities yet.

- Located on the corner of Newton St. and McGuinness Blvd.

Comment and ye shall receive your dues.

$2600 – 1br Fancy Pants (Bergen F,G)

What’s pomp without circumstance?

The bi-level backyard, bay windows for your breakfast nook, and mysterious ticket booth/closet all form like a fancy Voltron into one haughty home on Henry.

Let’s go!  Voltron form!

- Lucite blades fan you with modern winds over your ample living/dining space.

- Stupidly nice kitchen.  I actually prefer the old nice ovens… kinda kills me when people who think themselves gastronomes reject these appliances because of their age.  They just don’t make ‘em like they used to!

- Put this in your crock and roast it!  Smart storage and LOTS of it.

- Here’s the real custard buster… bay windows surrounding a kitchen breakfast nook and the door that leads…

- …to your Zenned-out bi-level private Om garden.  SHANTI-SHANTI-SHAN-TIHI!

- The upper level of Zen garden existence.  Don’t like the color of those fence boards?  Paint ‘em!  Stain ‘em!  Grow some climbers on ‘em!  It’s YOURS!

- Nothing all too flashy about the bedroom thought it’s quite large.  It’s at the front of the building but the street outside is dead quiet.

- Wasn’t quite sure what to make of this oddity.  A section of the bedroom wall has been cut out to allow light to enter a very narrow cubby that’s either a decent sized closet, a ticket booth to charge admission to your guests when you have those underground dinner party masquerades, a place for bedroom marionette performances, a new way to install an elaborate entertainment system, or your private bedroom bar.

- Who says storage isn’t important?  You’ve got this in addition to the above mystery booth just for your bedroom.

- All the things you’d expect to find in a bathroom are, in fact, there.

- Laundry in the basement.

- Pets are welcome.

- Heat/hot water ARE included.  YESSS!

- Map here.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

Got a comment?  Post it!  It’s the only way I know you exist!

$2400 – 2br Doin’ the Ben Franklin (Greenpoint Ave. G)

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Me, ding dong!! I’m your downstairs neighbor!  It’s the building I live in and there’s an apartment available up there on the 3rd floor!!!

- Lalala living room… ahh….  Pretty ridiculous amount of space to sprawl.

Do you know me?  If not, it’s cool… this is still a free country and you can live wherever you want.

- KA-RAAZZZY kitchen.  Newish and still nice.

It’s just that I do a fair amount of charcoal grilling, gardening, and every once in a while, I do a bit of sunbathing.

- Plop, plop.  Whiz, whiz… oh, what a relief it is… to have a decent bathroom.  We have the ooogly brown cabinet where you get the nice white.  (jel)

Not just the kind of sunbathing where you fish out on a towel for an hour… this involves a 12′ inflatable pool, a sci-fi novel, and a purple Speedo.

- This is how the left and right bedrooms are laid out.  The one on the right kind of turns a mini corner and has the duel window action.

Why should you care?  Because your potential new bedroom overlooks me in all my glory… the howling… the gurgling… the borrowing of salt… the reggae… the uninhibited and often unannounced spontaneous freak-outs that happen semi-regularly?

- Heat and hot water NOT included (sux).

- Available May 15th, 2009.

- Map here.

Comment!  Tell me your thoughts on speedos and if you want this place.

$1525-2400 – From Studio to 2br, it’s Greenpoint GALORE! (Greenpoint Ave. G)

This may prove to be the longest post I’ve attempted thus far.  Alas, it is not only a pleasure but my DUTY to perform.

Allons-y!

STUDIO

- To begin at the beginning, we’ll start with the studio.  394 sq.ft. of living space on the 1st floor for $1525 ain’t too shabby.  My only worry is the “beer spa” opening up right next door.  Could mean a good chance for you to demand a lifetime supply (or at least 12-months) of free suds.

- I just noticed this but I think that’s an induction range up there.  Super-efficient and functional.  Clean layout and plenty of counter space.

- Nicely tiled, marbled, and never used.  What’s up with that weird ghost on the wall?

2-BEDROOM CENTER

- Same (1st) floor, 2br, 785 sq. ft., listed at $2150/month.  Weird thing about this is that it’s in the middle of the building so there aren’t actually any windows that look out onto a street, per se.  It’s loaded  with skylights that makes it feel a little like the underground space farm where Luke Skywalker grew up on Tatooine.

- Skylights a-poppin’, here’s what the two bedrooms look like side-by-side.  Definitely has nice privacy and separation for roomies but still, it’s that Star Wars feel that could be hit or miss.

- Kitchen!  Look familiar?  Everything looks VERY homogeneous but I assure you, this is the spread you’ll find adoring this particular unit.  You’ll see.

- Again, a familiar but welcome sight – clean, neat, and never used.

- One thing this unit seems to be lacking are closets.  I think there’s one but I can’t remember.  They made it hard to reach up for it with some overhead storage atop the kitchen.  And hey, there’s those Star Wars skylights again!

1-BEDROOM REAR

- I was’t trying to make this a sci-fi themed episode, but as you venture further down this Death Star-like corridor away from the underground space farm pictured above, you’ll come to some rather charming rear 1br units.  The living rooms have lots of natural light and you can get a peek of the decorative fireplace in the bedroom back there.  They’re listed between 1900-2500, depending on outdoor space availability (the 2nd image above shows the patio door).

- Here’s that bedroom I alluded to earlier.  Cute right?

- I love chrome.

- Here’s where that patio door leads.  I’m told a wood deck will be added along with a railing so you can’t peek down into the Star Wars space farms below.

- The other rear 1br has a stairwell that leads up to this roof deck and again, from what I’m told, it’s private and there will be some kind of decking in the near future.  Sick view.

1-BEDROOM FRONT

- Much of how this complex is laid out needs a proper walk-through to be truly understood but this here side of the building looks out over Greenpoint Ave.  Everything look a bit more standard to me on this side  but certainly you have a bright living room just aching to be furnished.

- A cyclops of the latter image but there’s plenty of room for a big ol’ bed in there.  Behind me there’s the bathroom and a closet.

- What I tell ya.

- No surpises here!

- It’s up to you which water tower you like better but I personally prefer this photo.  Good cell phone reception up here too.

1-BEDROOM CENTER

- I didn’t do this intentionally but I actually saved the most bizarre interesting for last.  What’s shown is what I think is being called a “1br” in the center of the lot with skylights bearing the only natural light in the unit.  Above is what you see when you walk in… feels a little like wandering onto the set of THX-1138.

- Master Control… FINISH THE GAME!  Oh… sorry.  Tron reference.  Um… this is the “bedroom.”  (Play Twilight Zone theme music here.)

- Are we there yet?

- I’ll be in the tub if you need me.

- You read all the way down to the end of this post only to find a picture of a closet.  SUCKER!!!  Jk.  It’s a closet, see!  Okay, wrap it up, punchy.

- Available November, 2008.

- Doesn’t seem that the landlord is paying for much or any in the way of heat and/or hot water.

- Pets RULE!

- Coin-op laundry in the building (soon) but there’s the laundry place right on Franklin run by the nice Spanish lady and the mean Asian lady.

- A moonwalk from the Greenpoint Ave G.  I’m not going into the G’s defense but if you time it right, it’s there.

- Map here.

Comment now if you can even stand to at this point.

PS. Thanks for your patience.