A single man (or woman) might find solace here in this neat and tidy unit in Greenpoint down by the river Newtown Creek.

Now you’ll see what I see…

- Spacious and gracious bedroom.  Accordion metal gates give it just a hint of danger.  Situated in the back of the building so the din of industry won’t disturb thee.

- Plenty ‘o closet for ye.

- Every king (or queen) needs his (or her) throne.  Sorry it’s a bit blurry but you can make out the outlines of the essentials.

- Technically this is the dining/living/kitchen.  All it’s really got goin’ for it is that little window high up there and the cabinets are an olivy green shade of gross.

- Here’s the great surprise… there’s another unit that’s privately connected to the one upstairs!  That means this is technically a duplex.  SAWEET!

- This is the bathroom that goes with it.  Standing shower and I swear there’s a toilet back there.

- And it gets SWEETER!  Your own private backyard patio and…

- …you’re own private ALLEY!  Never had one of these myself so I don’t know what to really do with it.  Might be an interesting place to grow vines.  Suggestions would be GREAT!

- You don’t need to rent both units to have the benefit of this common coin-op laundry!  Pretty sweet convenience considering there’s not much at all out by where this building is.

- Heat and hot water are INDEED included.

- If you choose to rent both units, the monthly total comes to $1495.

- Landlord requires first, last, and security to move in (that’s 3x the rent.)

- Not sure about pets but if you comment and ask me, I’ll find out.

- Available 12/1/09

- Map here.

First person to comment gets it.  GO!

What’s pomp without circumstance?

The bi-level backyard, bay windows for your breakfast nook, and mysterious ticket booth/closet all form like a fancy Voltron into one haughty home on Henry.

Let’s go!  Voltron form!

- Lucite blades fan you with modern winds over your ample living/dining space.

- Stupidly nice kitchen.  I actually prefer the old nice ovens… kinda kills me when people who think themselves gastronomes reject these appliances because of their age.  They just don’t make ‘em like they used to!

- Put this in your crock and roast it!  Smart storage and LOTS of it.

- Here’s the real custard buster… bay windows surrounding a kitchen breakfast nook and the door that leads…

- …to your Zenned-out bi-level private Om garden.  SHANTI-SHANTI-SHAN-TIHI!

- The upper level of Zen garden existence.  Don’t like the color of those fence boards?  Paint ‘em!  Stain ‘em!  Grow some climbers on ‘em!  It’s YOURS!

- Nothing all too flashy about the bedroom thought it’s quite large.  It’s at the front of the building but the street outside is dead quiet.

- Wasn’t quite sure what to make of this oddity.  A section of the bedroom wall has been cut out to allow light to enter a very narrow cubby that’s either a decent sized closet, a ticket booth to charge admission to your guests when you have those underground dinner party masquerades, a place for bedroom marionette performances, a new way to install an elaborate entertainment system, or your private bedroom bar.

- Who says storage isn’t important?  You’ve got this in addition to the above mystery booth just for your bedroom.

- All the things you’d expect to find in a bathroom are, in fact, there.

- Laundry in the basement.

- Pets are welcome.

- Heat/hot water ARE included.  YESSS!

- Map here.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

Got a comment?  Post it!  It’s the only way I know you exist!

Can one person handle this much private open space in Brooklyn?

We seek to answer that question and many more, here, at Twisted Lister:

- I’ve become a fan of this landlord’s buildings.  All seem really solid, nice looking, great locations, and interior work leaning toward restoration than gut renovation.

- Not exactly fit for a Chef de Cuisine but it’s open enough.  I’d recommend a collapsible shelf installed on that wall between the stove and the closet to add more counter space.

- Here’s the reasonably adequate living space.  Behind you is the kitchen (pictured above) and through that door…

- …is the backyard of pure paradise.  Super deep, perfectly shady, pleasantly sunny, and includes a cool furniture set left by the previous tenants (thanks guys!).

- A 1br wouldn’t be complete without a bedroom.  Tiny but I can still see it being perfectly livable. It’s size, from what I’m told, is where most of the complaints come from.  Still a good size for anyone looking to live minimally.

- I caught Park Place on a really pretty afternoon.  The neighboorhood is unique, two blocks from my favorite Jamaican patty/coco bread bakery (Christie’s), it’s convenient to a bunch of trains like the Begen 2,3 and a half block from 7th Ave. B,Q.

- No dogs.  Cats might be cool.

- Laundry in the basement.

- Map here.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

Make a comment and I’ll know what you desire.

Some may call this the “nice part” of Bed Stuy.  Everything’s clean, no syringes or used condoms in the park, the brownstones are impeccably kept and the neighbors actually wave and say hello.  It’s light years from anything resembling a Brooklyn scene except for that stuff happening on Lewis Ave… but then again, isn’t that why you’re moving?

Follow closely this tour of your future home:

LOWER DUPLEX (2br – $1800)

- We’ll start from the ground floor and work our way up.   This is the first room you see when you walk in under the front stoop.  Likely it’s to be used as your main living area with plenty of space and mellow light.

- Newly renovated ground floor kitchen from one angle…

- Long table with inviting stools in the ground floor kitchen from the other angle.  And that’s the door to your…

- …private back yard.  There’s the essence of cat piss back there but the landlord, a kind and insanely friendly woman, has promised to mend a broken section of the fence and repour the concrete.  Lot’s of growing space under some pretty trees.

- And don’t worry about hauling your rusty-ass hibachi over… there’s a freakin’ new Weber that the previous tenants left for you (shown “regular” and “trippy” style).  You’re welcome.

- Now that you’ve come down off your “we’re getting a backyard with a grill!” high, we’re ready to schlep up the stairs to your other private floor where the bedrooms be at.  This is the one in the back of the house.

- This is the totally excellent shelving unit built into the closet in the aforementioned and aforepictured bedroom.

- This is the incredibly cute half bath found in the aforementioned/aforepictured bedroom above.

- As soon as you’re ready to blow everyone’s mind when you say, “Welcome to my bedroom,” you can totally use this room for the backdrop.  All original molding, lighting fixtures, mirror, shelving and stained glass can be found in this front bedroom on the 1st floor. Pimp shit.

- Lily white porcelain parlour for your pleasure still here on the 1st floor.  Now let’s head on up to the 2nd…

UPPER DUPLEX (3br – $1850)

- Too difficult to photograph adequately with my little Lumix even with the 16:9 aspect ratio setting, this is the 2nd floor living room with crazy light.

- Clean and skuzz free.  2nd floor bathroom all shiny and new.

- Here’s where my memory starts to get a little weak… can’t remember if this bedroom is on the 2nd or 3rd floors.  Alas, it’s part of the UPPER DUPLEX and you can easily fit a large bed in there.

- This might be the only bummer thing about the UPPER DUPLEX.  Kind of a smallish kitchen but I know it’s on the 3rd floor because of the rad skylight.

- Just when you thought, “How many fireplaces and bedrooms could there possibly be in an $1800/month apartment?”…then you discover this shellacked beauty on the 3rd floor.

- Perhaps the freakiest room in the house.  May I present the Oompa Loompa-Children in the Attic-Mommy Dearest Room.  Probably good for an office if you can keep the screaming out of your head.

- Heat/hot water controlled and paid for by tenant.

- Not sure about pets but the landlord didn’t seem to excited about the prospect.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Post a comment and ye shall receive further instructions on how to obtain a lease for this prize property.

While one of the lovliest commodes I’ve seen about town, it doesn’t quite save this botched up slosh job of a Polsky finger bang reno.  There is an absolutely enchanted backyard clearly well maintained by the previous dog-owning tenants but I still can’t see how they both slept in what defies my descriptive gifts -  essentially, it’s a pantry.

We’re all over the place with Willy Wonky’s Funged-Up Freak Show so stay with me:

- Just steps away from every kind of automotive repair you’ll ever need.
- In the hulking shadow of the Newtown Creek Sewage Treatment Facility’s alien digestor eggs (nothing thrills me more than to think of giant digestor eggs down my block… so sci-fi).
- Hope you like ladders because you’ll be climbing one to get to your “fort” every night (truly must be seen to be beieved).
- A deep and haunting hallway leads into a beautiful Brooklyney parlor with wide plank floors.
- Crackheaded kitchen with slop sink on one side, cheap particle board shelves, and munged up appliances on the other.
- Beatific backyard that almost makes life worth it’s proximity to the Pootown Creek Funk Factory.
- Available August 1st.

Comment now!

PS. My gratitude to the cute upstairs neighbor who so kindly helped inspire some of my observations.

View map here.

Takes a lot to wow me these days and this was a wow moment.

Totally freakin’ affordible with more land than most suburban homes to plant, cultivate, and drop out of society completely.

- One true bedroom with Turkish dome archway for your beaded curtain.
- Smallish living room but large enough to sprawl out (provided you’re not 6′7″).
- New floors!
- I’m guessing new appliances but as you can see from the pics in the gallery, not up to Batali’s standards.
- For that one bath you take in the dark winter months, there’s a tub.
- Available August 1st.
- But who cares about any of this when you have a COLOSSAL MEGA HONKING BACKYARD????

Comment now or you’ve let yet another golden opportunity pass you by like so much wind through the blades of grass in the backyard of your dreams…

View map here.

These are the twin sisters of mercy on the pastoral street of the “protected” Graham Ave. section of Williamsburg.  Not much negativity coming from me on these goodies:

- Newer than new renovation not done completely shamelessly.
- Granite counter tops and all new appliances in the well designed kitchens.
- One bathroom per unit (kinda smallish) but has full tubs for those once-a-year baths.
- Private partitioned backyard for the first floor lucky ducks.
- Square footage to square dance in.
- Enough light to tan indoors.

The first floor unit is going for 2500/month because of it’s backyard action but these are the kind of places you and the family could happily move into, perfect for a share, and a happy couple would be 10x happier.

View map here.

Not too shabby of a place for the price…

- Sizable 4 room railroad layout.
- Shady backyard with a Weber just chillin there.
- Sunny bedroom.
- Eat-in kitchen.

You could probably work this out as a two bedroom if:

1.) One of you doesn’t mind sleeping in the living room separated by a hippie tarp.
2.) Having your roommate walking through your “bedroom” to get to his/hers.
3.) Using the backyard as your common space… might be uncomfortable in the snow (depending on your tastes).

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