$2600 2br | $2700 2br | $4500 3br Duplex – Java Overflow! (Greenpoint Ave. G)

Space, separation, and a salmon exterior. It’s all waiting for you in Greenpoint.

Swim upstream.

- Lox me up and throw away the key!  Salmony puns aside, that porch could belong to you should you choose the epically huge duplex in this not-so-fishy house.

$2600 & $2700 2brs

- Spacious city with lots of illumination in the main kitchen/living space.

- Bedroom #1.  Clean, cool, calm and collected.

- Bedroom #2.  As above, so below.  The bedrooms in both of these 2br units are identical except for their orientation.  The ones with two windows switch places from the second to the third floor units.  Other than that, these two apartments are perfect twins.

- Glistening, sparkling, grouted, and new.  Have a party!

- Another look at the kitchen.  Sweet supports under the countertop.

$4500 br Duplex

- Lots of stuff in this main living space including a Ghostbusters proton pack but most importantly, it contains the door which leads out onto your front porch.  FRONT PORCH!

- Prrreeeettttyyyy sure this is the kitchen space but I could be wrong.  If not, it’ll be a room.  Duh.

- Almost certain this will be a bedroom.  Again, I’m baffled by mid-construction sites most of the time.  We can deduce logically the next time we view together.

- I’m CERTAIN this is a bathroom.  The mummified manatee in the tub will likely be removed.

- Since this rad dude was down here carving up tiles with a wet saw, it was super loud and slightly difficult to tell what was going to happen down here on the lower level.  For sure there’s a bathroom but the wildcard is that it might be the kitchen(!!!)

- Lots of goodies in here but most of all, a WASHER/DRYER!  YESSS!!!  It should be noted that this “lower level” is actually the street level, not subterranean.

-  A private patio and backyard!?  You don’t say.  Well, according to the landlord, the upper two units will also have some sort of access to part of the yard.  Not entirely sure how this all will shake out but for now, BOOM, a yard.

- Available April 15th.

- Have to double check but I’ll go ahead and say heat and hot water are included.

- Pets are hecka cool!

- Map here.

Give an olde email or comment to have a gander of your own.

$1900-4200 – Hello Greenpoint! I want to move to you! (G’pt Ave. G.)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, your ship has at last come in.

The new building full of brand spanking new gorgeous rentals on Kent St. x West St. and Franklin are available. And guess who can get you in there first… (?)

Show ‘em what they’ve got, Rod:

- From the outside, a completely respectable reno.  Sand blasted brick and subtle detail restoration of what was the “original” pencil factory.

1br w/Private Outdoor Space

- Polished poured concrete floors and a skylight gives you some serious glow for this ground floor 1br with outdoor space.  Built-in AC units keeping things chill in here but the rest of the building has central air/heat.

- There’s your private entrance to your private patio outdoor space of total serenity.

- This be the actual bedroom of the 1br we be discussing here.  Sleeps one comfortably, two preferred (wink-wink)… or three? Naughty naughty!

- All the bathrooms, aside from the half baths, are like this.  Full tub, sinks with drawers, toilet seats with plastic covers on them.

- The developers of this place actually got it right – DEEP closets all over every unit.  In the bedrooms, in the hallways.  Explore your inner hoarder.

- You’ll need to squint and use your imagination slightly here.  Aside from it being slightly blurry, there will one day be a nice new energy-efficient fridge and dishwasher in those large gaps to the left and right of the frame.  Otherwise, this is basically the kitchen layout for all the units.  Bon appetite!

1br Upper Floor

- Hellllloooo?  Echo!!!!  Sloth… love… Chunk!!!  There are some 1brs in this building that can convert to 2brs because they’re so damn huge.  This is one example.

- An 180 degree turn to the left from the above photo reveals this.  In between those two windows along the right side is where a pressure wall could be installed to add another bedroom.  Up to you.

- A peak around the archway reveals the bedroom in which you may find yourself sleeping soundly.  While window does happen to face Kent St., I don’t think a car has driven down it since the late 1800s.

- If I may interject a moment of reality here, heat and cool are controlled by the tenant in all units… which means they are paid for by the tenant.  If you keep it at off all the time, you won’t pay a dime.

1br w/Balcony & City Views

- Ok, back to the fun and excitement.  View-oooo-oooooos!  This unit will have a balcony where you can hang out with your coffee and terry cloth leisure suit.

- The living room… oh, and there’s the door to that balcony I was telling you about.

- Some more imagination kitchen.  These are done now so when we view, you won’t have to envision anything.

- It’s like a spa in here.

2br Duplex w/Private Outdoor Space

- Yup.  Duplexes.  Crazy space and a second floor for office, recreation, and parties when your parents go out of town.

- Another look at the main room and hallway.  That banged up door on the left leads to your private patio shangri-la.

- This is the stairwell of another duplex also on the ground floor but you can see how these units are all very different.  Lots of possibilities for good livin… for instance, here you can stage your own performance of Macbeth.

- This is the living room attached to the photo above.  Dope.

- “Yeah, hi, I’m gonna need two closets right next to each other.”  Sure, no problem.

- Again, heat/cool not included (sorry Charlie).

- Prices are not fully determined but 1bs are between 1900-3200 and the 2brs go as high as 4200 but that’s the ceiling.

- Move-in is looking like mid-September but could be November 1st.

- Map here.

Give me a holler or comment on this post if you’d like to view.  I’ll be there all day Thursday 8/25 giving special guided tours if you’re around.

$1400-2800 – 1b and duplex that make Bed Stuy stay alive (Nostrand Ave. A C)

At some point, after passing through two projects and a food desert of grimy bodegas and bullet-proof glass Chinese restaurants, Bed Stuy gets nice.

Here’s where my BMX took me today:

The Bush Doctor!  He whipped me up an almond milk açai berry voodoo drink with cinnemon.  Did me RIGHT!  Apparently he’s making house calls.

That’s Terry, the Bush Doctor’s apprentice and nicest dude I’ve encountered in a while.  He did mention there’ve been about 6 shootings in the area,, drug related mostly.  He also clued me into the fact that all of the great empires since Genghis Khan (including ours) have fallen in Afghanistan and that Bin Laden’s been dead since 1996.

- Delighted and somewhat surprised to see a halfway decent furniture store out here actually.

- And another!

- Word on the street is that Peaches is peachy.  Haven’t tried but I keep a keen ear to the street (((pulls black tar gum out of hair))).

- Evidently, Big George’s is no longer serving soulfood “plus.”  It wasn’t clear to me what exactly was going on there actually.  I don’t read too deeply into these things.  M’kay, enough neighborhood highlights, let’s look at where you can live.

Halsey St. 1b – $1400/m

- Kind of a cacophony in there but give the girl a break, she’s moving!

- Detail of where you could plop your hiney once settled.

- I do relish this kitchen.  Cozy, tiled, nice light, good appliances.  Très satisfaisant.

- Pah-lenty of room for that big ‘ol sleigh bed of yours.

- The tub’s feet aren’t molded claws but hell, it’s just as amazing!  I’d be bathing constantly.

- The tasteful Argentine owner collects really nice furniture and is willing to donate this to the unit.  My friend Kate seems to think this looks like something that should be in the lounge at a Thai restaurant but then again, she was about to buy a saggy-ass black leather sofa off CL just because it was cheap. Sheesh!  Right now the couche in her duplex which is also for rent.  (see below)

Halsey St. 2br Duplex – $2800/m

- Livin’ good in da hood.  Super charming, original details, bright.  (((sigh)))

- Really?  Sick kitchen.  There’s another huge wall of shelves off the edge of the frame to the left.  So sick.

- Mmmmhmmmm.  Elevated patio to make you feel haughty on Halsey.

- Oh… what’s that down there?  A f’n massive lawn, grow space, and grill to serve the better part of the block.  Could use a little grass seed and some love in the planters but it’s still early in the season, y’all.  Don’t hate.

- Half bath on the first floor for when you wanna use a little sink.

- Now we’re on the “du” of the “plex.” I generally feel bad taking pics of people’s bedrooms when they’re still sleeping in them but this is the owner’s and she said it was cool.  I just really like how it’s both a workspace and a sleep space.  Those shutters are dope.  And the ironwork?  Tight.

- I didn’t check to see what the feet were like on the tub because I didn’t want to seem like a freak but fuggit.  Again, it’s an elevated enameled tub that you can submerge in.  Need I say more?

- If this is where your roommate lives, they’re sure to pay the rent on time.  If this is your guest room, your guests are sure to return.

- One last peek at the yard from the ground level.

- 1br is available May 1st.  Duplex can be made available starting May 1st.

- Heat/hot water included.

- Pets are fine (I think, I need to check on that for sure).

- Map here.

Would LEURVE to hear your comments about this.  It’s also how I know you’re interested in viewing, k?

$2800 – 3br in luxury’s leggy lap (G’pt Ave. G)

Thanks to my new RE partner and straight shootin’ neighborhood dude, Ion Birch, it’s as if the plumage of the superb bird of paradise has unfurled before me.

Your Greenpoint paradise hideaway-nest awaits your elaborate mating dance:

- Dropped back and yet, sticks out somehow.

- Look, we’re not here to discuss design, taste, art, or artistry so let’s keep it simple – this space is 16′x12′ = 192sf of living room.

- I do like some lucite things.  Kitchen.  DoucheDishwasher too!

- The first of two bathrooms!  Always remember to keep the seats down, please.

- The first of three bedrooms. 12′x9′ = 108sf

- Bedroom number two (huh-huh). 10′x15′ = 150sf of number two!

- The Supreme Master Bedroom with ergonomic office chair. 11′x15′ = 165sf of chair rolling fun.

- I’m pretty sure those nipple spouty things in the tub are jets for [cue the Price is Right theme song] YOUR NEW JACUZZI TUB!

- [Price is Right theme still going] [BARKER] Tell ‘em what else they get, Rod! [RODDY] You and guest will be staying at the GRAND CLOSET hotel and casino in beautiful sunny Acapulco, Mexicoooooo!  It’s the only place in town where you’ll find a GRAND CLOSET, in every room.

- [RODDY] All that tubbin’ and scrub-a-dubbin’ will make you wanna do your laundry… IN YOUR NEW WASHER AND DRYER!!!

- Hey, cool out Jack!  A hulking massive floating AC zips that whole house cold when it’s hot.  Baseboard heaters are there for when it’s not.

- Where?

- OH HERE! Next to the Marshall’s impound lot only a short block away from where this apartment lies.  “See ya later honey, I’m goin’ to play pinball down by the car pound!”  Brilliance, in life, although fleeting, exists.

- Heat IS YES ABSOLUTELY INDEED included.

- Gas and electric are not.

- Landlord wants a direct monthly deposit set up in order to receive the benefit of the rent reduction from 3400 to the now 2800.  I know that sounds like bullshit but it’s actually true.

- Available Jan 1, 2010.  HAPPY NEW DECADE!

- Map here.

Obviously we must be respectful of the kind individuals living there now so weekday afternoons around 2p is good to view and so are weekends around 11a.

Comment here and througheth thou shall pass.

$2800 – 3brs of Park Slope NICEY-nice (Union St. M,R)

The math totally works on this one – three people, less than $1,000 each AND heat/hot water are included.

Say WORD!

- Living space.  The final frontier.

- Dinner party anyone?  Kitchen is OPEN for business!  “Hey man, you need help with those dishes.” Nope. No worries, man… I got a damn dishwasher.

- Bedroom 1: Looks like FUN!

- Bedroom 2: Squibbily doo!

- Bedroom 3: Maybe not for me because it’s a little teeny-weeny.  But if you have to pee, you’ll be singin’ tweedily DEE [because it's right near the bathroom...]

- …which is right here.  Majorly into the foggy-glass-window-in-the-shower thing and the black/white tiles.  Save a few bucks, our fragile ocean marine habitat, and some hundreds of thousands of years not having to bio-degrade PVC shower cutrains too.

- Pets seem rad.

- Heat/hot water IN-CLOO-DID. Yup!

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

May the lone journeyman or journeywoman come forth and claim thy castle (by commenting).