$1800 – Studio of Ft. Greeneness (Fulton G, Lafayette C)

Hey!  Ho!  Wadda ya know?  Got another studio, yo-yo-yo!

Regardez.

- It’s a bit dim because it was like 7pm and I wasn’t using the flash but you can get a halfway decent feel for the space.   I mean, it’s a studio… what were you expecting?  Did that sound jerky?  I meant, “it’s a studio… um… okay?”

-KA-YOOT kitchen.  Simply precious.  Here you can make dainty little meals for yourself nonstop.

- La douche.  That’s French for “shower.”  Here you can douche yourself… or as we Americans say, “shower yourself.”

- PA-LENTEEE of room for a boogie board and the ephemera of your wanderings.  Just look at those hand built shelves!  They’re staying so don’t worry yourself.

- Just think how spooky it’ll be on Halloween night when the sun sets and casts this eerie twilight glow through your awesome old school small-paned window and you’ll be all set to go in your hand-made chain mail knight outfit and you’ll give out a battle cry that shakes the Masonic temple down the street as you venture out on an eve of all hallows!

MUHUHAAHAHAH!

- Heat and hot water included (electricity is not but it’s like $9/month).

- Available as soon as you are.

- Map here.

Comment, brave knight, and ye’ shall be challenged!

$1800 – TWO 2br duplexes in a friggin’ SICK HOUSE (Halsey St. J)

Some may call this the “nice part” of Bed Stuy.  Everything’s clean, no syringes or used condoms in the park, the brownstones are impeccably kept and the neighbors actually wave and say hello.  It’s light years from anything resembling a Brooklyn scene except for that stuff happening on Lewis Ave… but then again, isn’t that why you’re moving?

Follow closely this tour of your future home:

LOWER DUPLEX (2br – $1800)

- We’ll start from the ground floor and work our way up.   This is the first room you see when you walk in under the front stoop.  Likely it’s to be used as your main living area with plenty of space and mellow light.

- Newly renovated ground floor kitchen from one angle…

- Long table with inviting stools in the ground floor kitchen from the other angle.  And that’s the door to your…

- …private back yard.  There’s the essence of cat piss back there but the landlord, a kind and insanely friendly woman, has promised to mend a broken section of the fence and repour the concrete.  Lot’s of growing space under some pretty trees.

- And don’t worry about hauling your rusty-ass hibachi over… there’s a freakin’ new Weber that the previous tenants left for you (shown “regular” and “trippy” style).  You’re welcome.

- Now that you’ve come down off your “we’re getting a backyard with a grill!” high, we’re ready to schlep up the stairs to your other private floor where the bedrooms be at.  This is the one in the back of the house.

- This is the totally excellent shelving unit built into the closet in the aforementioned and aforepictured bedroom.

- This is the incredibly cute half bath found in the aforementioned/aforepictured bedroom above.

- As soon as you’re ready to blow everyone’s mind when you say, “Welcome to my bedroom,” you can totally use this room for the backdrop.  All original molding, lighting fixtures, mirror, shelving and stained glass can be found in this front bedroom on the 1st floor. Pimp shit.

- Lily white porcelain parlour for your pleasure still here on the 1st floor.  Now let’s head on up to the 2nd…

UPPER DUPLEX (3br – $1850)

- Too difficult to photograph adequately with my little Lumix even with the 16:9 aspect ratio setting, this is the 2nd floor living room with crazy light.

- Clean and skuzz free.  2nd floor bathroom all shiny and new.

- Here’s where my memory starts to get a little weak… can’t remember if this bedroom is on the 2nd or 3rd floors.  Alas, it’s part of the UPPER DUPLEX and you can easily fit a large bed in there.

- This might be the only bummer thing about the UPPER DUPLEX.  Kind of a smallish kitchen but I know it’s on the 3rd floor because of the rad skylight.

- Just when you thought, “How many fireplaces and bedrooms could there possibly be in an $1800/month apartment?”…then you discover this shellacked beauty on the 3rd floor.

- Perhaps the freakiest room in the house.  May I present the Oompa Loompa-Children in the Attic-Mommy Dearest Room.  Probably good for an office if you can keep the screaming out of your head.

- Heat/hot water controlled and paid for by tenant.

- Not sure about pets but the landlord didn’t seem to excited about the prospect.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Post a comment and ye shall receive further instructions on how to obtain a lease for this prize property.

$1800 – Standard City Studio Fare (1st Ave. L)

I’ll be honest, I prefer the quality of life here in bodacious Brooklyn but occasionally I do schlep over the span to Manhattan. It’s really not all that bad:

- Cool classic window in the bedroom.
- Enough space for you (and a cat evidently).
- Crazy convenient to some Thompson Square action and the many fruits of the East Village.

Comment and thee shall see with me.

View the map here.

$1800 – Berg-a-licious Studio (Bedford L)

Haven’t seen it myself but a trusted compadre did.  All I know is what I see…

- Nice and clean studio apartment.
- Spitting distance from the Bedford L (please don’t try it).
- Eco heater thingy.
- Shared courtyard (unit is in the back house).

Again, this could be gone, but then again, it may not.  Comment!

View map here.