$1675 – Greasemonkey Paradise (Greenpoint Ave. G)

While one of the lovliest commodes I’ve seen about town, it doesn’t quite save this botched up slosh job of a Polsky finger bang reno.  There is an absolutely enchanted backyard clearly well maintained by the previous dog-owning tenants but I still can’t see how they both slept in what defies my descriptive gifts -  essentially, it’s a pantry.

We’re all over the place with Willy Wonky’s Funged-Up Freak Show so stay with me:

- Just steps away from every kind of automotive repair you’ll ever need.
- In the hulking shadow of the Newtown Creek Sewage Treatment Facility’s alien digestor eggs (nothing thrills me more than to think of giant digestor eggs down my block… so sci-fi).
- Hope you like ladders because you’ll be climbing one to get to your “fort” every night (truly must be seen to be beieved).
- A deep and haunting hallway leads into a beautiful Brooklyney parlor with wide plank floors.
- Crackheaded kitchen with slop sink on one side, cheap particle board shelves, and munged up appliances on the other.
- Beatific backyard that almost makes life worth it’s proximity to the Pootown Creek Funk Factory.
- Available August 1st.

Comment now!

PS. My gratitude to the cute upstairs neighbor who so kindly helped inspire some of my observations.

View map here.

$1450 – Saddle up, your 1br with FARMLAND is HERE! (Greenpoint G/Vernon-Jackson 7)

Takes a lot to wow me these days and this was a wow moment.

Totally freakin’ affordible with more land than most suburban homes to plant, cultivate, and drop out of society completely.

- One true bedroom with Turkish dome archway for your beaded curtain.
- Smallish living room but large enough to sprawl out (provided you’re not 6′7″).
- New floors!
- I’m guessing new appliances but as you can see from the pics in the gallery, not up to Batali’s standards.
- For that one bath you take in the dark winter months, there’s a tub.
- Available August 1st.
- But who cares about any of this when you have a COLOSSAL MEGA HONKING BACKYARD????

Comment now or you’ve let yet another golden opportunity pass you by like so much wind through the blades of grass in the backyard of your dreams…

View map here.

$2700 – Stacked 3br Stoner Palace in Billyberg (Bedford L)

Yup, that’s a wheelchair in there…  not because anyone’s disabled but because three totally awesome stoner college dudes live in there and have all kinds of oddities and stuff tacked to the walls (Lil’ Kim t-shirt, skateboard decks, “art”, etc.).

What lies beneath the facade of this Judd Apatow set is:

- A Swiss Family Robinson-style railroad with lofted beds all over the place (sorry, no rope swings or monkey servants).
- Two separate entrances so only one roommate gets traffic.
- Manhattan skyline views for those moments around 4:30 when Dark Side is blasting and your gaze needs somewhere to float.
- A bathroom that’s been sufficiently “dudeified” but according to the tenants “blasts hot water nicely.”
- Kitchen appliances that have seen many a charred ramen noodle and condiment encrustation.
- But here’s the clincher: WINDOWS IN EVERY ROOM!!! YESSS!
- Available August 1st.

If I were you (thrifty, social, and stonery Williamsburger), I’d comment so you can see it.

View the map here.

$2000 – Railroad Redesign: Why don’t they ALL do this???

Living in the “Capital of the World,” one might jump to the conclusion that New Yorkers have reached a certain quality of life plateau where two people could share an apartment without one of them sleeping in a room with no windows, natural light, or ventilation.  Such is the case with the vast majority of floor-through, or so-called “railroad” apartments especially in Brooklyn.  Such is NOT the case with this fabulous redesign:

-Two actual bedrooms on separate sides of the unit with doors and locks – how novel.
-Square footage that could satisfy the grungiest of Austrian loft zealots.
-New kitchen appliances, counter tops, and cabinets that may actually inspire you to start cooking.
-Subway tiled bathroom, not drunken Polish style floral patterns.
-Closets so big you can sublet them to your college drop-out step brother.
-A hop, skip, jump, and a 1/2 block more hopping to the Greenpoint Ave. G.
-Feast on Northern Greenpoint’s cornucopia of economy proof liquor stores, fruit stands, butchers, bars, and restaurants.
-Sorry, no pets.
-Available August 15th, 2008.

I’ve got this on my plate for a week and then it goes public so comment and let’s make some moves!

View the map here.

Brooklyn Navy Yard: Pretty Rubble

Ever had the chance to ride your bike through the Brooklyn Navy Yard?

My buddy Pete used to work in one of the studios there and used his pass to plus me in.  Turns out it’s the ultimate short cut to get from South Brooklyn to North Brooklyn but will this ever be open to the biking public?  I highly doubt it.

Either way, have a look at some of the pics… some pretty eye-popping stuff in there to say the least.  Especially that section of a jet and some massive hanger where they built battleships in WWII.  Anyone out there that knows some of the history, please feel free to report back.