Protected: 2,600sf – The Hipster Epcot Center (Bedford L)

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$2400 – 3br: GIGANTOR the Williamsburger! (Nassau G)

WEEW!  Just got a call from the Loft Ninja and he’s so down to join cataclysmic sales and leasing forces with I, Mr. Lister Twister!  (sound of giant explosion happening in the background).

While I haven’t seen with my own mortal eyes, my prescient “chosen one”  mind’s eye has shown me… THIS!

- Ah ha!  A fully formed kitchen.  The quantum particles are all in place and ready to make toast.

- (fingers pressing forcefully into temples) I…I’m making out a door… YES!  A door that leads to other rooms… something which I think… YES!  It’s a hallway!

- Do you smell smoke?  Wait… NO!  That’s a frireplace!  Is it working?  My senses cannot tell but I’ll ask.

- Is a dimensional portal?  NO!  It’s a window in a room, quite possibly best used for a bedroom.  Can’t psychically tell if there’s a closet in here or not… but maybe this is just that “3rd bedroom” that’s really best used as a Mac lab.

- Oh sweet mystery of life… almost positive this is one of the two actual bedrooms.

- My powers of prescience are fading… this is either another shot of the “through-the-doorway” angle above or the other of the two bedrooms.  DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!!!

- Available asap.

- Not sure about heat/hot water but like most places in the G’pt/W’brg borderlands, it’s not.

- Map here.

Use the comment box to access my thoughts and I’ll send you a psychic email.

$1800 – Studio of Ft. Greeneness (Fulton G, Lafayette C)

Hey!  Ho!  Wadda ya know?  Got another studio, yo-yo-yo!

Regardez.

- It’s a bit dim because it was like 7pm and I wasn’t using the flash but you can get a halfway decent feel for the space.   I mean, it’s a studio… what were you expecting?  Did that sound jerky?  I meant, “it’s a studio… um… okay?”

-KA-YOOT kitchen.  Simply precious.  Here you can make dainty little meals for yourself nonstop.

- La douche.  That’s French for “shower.”  Here you can douche yourself… or as we Americans say, “shower yourself.”

- PA-LENTEEE of room for a boogie board and the ephemera of your wanderings.  Just look at those hand built shelves!  They’re staying so don’t worry yourself.

- Just think how spooky it’ll be on Halloween night when the sun sets and casts this eerie twilight glow through your awesome old school small-paned window and you’ll be all set to go in your hand-made chain mail knight outfit and you’ll give out a battle cry that shakes the Masonic temple down the street as you venture out on an eve of all hallows!

MUHUHAAHAHAH!

- Heat and hot water included (electricity is not but it’s like $9/month).

- Available as soon as you are.

- Map here.

Comment, brave knight, and ye’ shall be challenged!

$3000 – 1br of Total Awesomeness (2nd Ave. F, V, J, M, Z)

Look what I saw in the East Village today!

Can’t tell you who I showed it to already because you’d be too jealous to read on.

- WHAM-O!  Big ass living room.  Corner unit with windows everywhere overlooking a freakin’ sculpture garden!  Supremely rad.

- Here’s that sculpture garden… I ain’t lyin!

- Kitchen’s totally acceptable in my book, and my book was written by Jaques Pepin!  Plus with all those yummers restaurants around this spot, who needs to cook?  You’ve got Nicki’s Bahn Mi, Caracas arepas, tons of ramen, Neopolitana… and that’s just off the top of my head.

- Super spacious bedroom with heater/cooling unit.  Fake brick, I know, but who gives a rat’s ass?  It’s dope in here!

- Bedroom closet, y’all.  Great for your clothes or small guests.

- The bathroom.  Great for washing up!

- Yup!  Totally shared courtyard wonderfully maintained with grills awaiting your marinated eggplants.

- Sill can’t tell you who it is but this place ALSO has a roof deck.

- Not sure if heat/hot water are included yet.

- Not sure about pets either but I’ll update soon.

- Available now.

- Map here.

Comment and I’ll respond unless that super huge rock star in the photo snatches this up.

YAY-borhoods! – Ditmas Park (Q, 2, 5, & F)

The egg is crusty on my face for not having known more about Ditmas Park before yesterday… and I claim to be from BROOKLYN!?!  Oy vey!

Look at this place!

- Growing up in suburban NJ, I can say this setting used to conjure demons of teen angst but now it just blows my mind that THIS is within crawling distance of Prospect Park.  Nothing too shy of $1M for one of these babies.

- Strolling down Cortelyou Rd. I stumbled on the kindly tinker, her caged-in wares bursting the metal.  No shortage of treasures here.

- Mimi’s Hummus for lunch.  Traditional-style Middle Eastern hummus, fresh pita, eggs and merguez cooked in cast iron skillets, salads that actually make you feel cooler, mint tea.  Amazing find and will soon be neighbors to a wine bar.

- Sycamore flower shop and bar.  WHUUUT???  Insanely dandy concept.  Sniff a rose whilest drinking absinthe.

- The Farm on Adderly restaurant also on Cortelyou Rd. is lookin’ good and rustic.  The video Zagat made is a little hard to swallow (I love how the hostess gives her description of the sensation of eating their Chicken in the Hay dish as “thick”) but it gives you a quick nibble of what you might find.

- Vox Pop cafe is more than a proper corner java hut, it’s the hub of DIY radical culture, open mic nights, and “communal capitalism” says CNN.

Haven’t really dug into what listings are available out in these parts but if anyone’s desire is ignited by this post, drop a comment on a honky!

Photos courtesy of rich_awn and Michael Paul Messenie.

$2100 – 2br SNEAK FREAK (Graham L & Nassau G)

Trying out this iPhone app thingy ding dong.

The following is a place in one of my really good friend/biz partner’s buiding on the 3rd floor of this absolute gem of an old school Greenpoint pre-war apartment.

Entrée!

Since I can’t caption everything like I’m used to, just know that the craftsmanship is all by hand, original details preserved, and there are windows throughout.

While a single person or tasteful couple could live here quite comfortably, the potential for it to function as a share is imminently possible.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Pets are Jim Dandy.

- Not sure about utilities yet.

- Located on the corner of Newton St. and McGuinness Blvd.

Comment and ye shall receive your dues.

$2600 – 1br Fancy Pants (Bergen F,G)

What’s pomp without circumstance?

The bi-level backyard, bay windows for your breakfast nook, and mysterious ticket booth/closet all form like a fancy Voltron into one haughty home on Henry.

Let’s go!  Voltron form!

- Lucite blades fan you with modern winds over your ample living/dining space.

- Stupidly nice kitchen.  I actually prefer the old nice ovens… kinda kills me when people who think themselves gastronomes reject these appliances because of their age.  They just don’t make ‘em like they used to!

- Put this in your crock and roast it!  Smart storage and LOTS of it.

- Here’s the real custard buster… bay windows surrounding a kitchen breakfast nook and the door that leads…

- …to your Zenned-out bi-level private Om garden.  SHANTI-SHANTI-SHAN-TIHI!

- The upper level of Zen garden existence.  Don’t like the color of those fence boards?  Paint ‘em!  Stain ‘em!  Grow some climbers on ‘em!  It’s YOURS!

- Nothing all too flashy about the bedroom thought it’s quite large.  It’s at the front of the building but the street outside is dead quiet.

- Wasn’t quite sure what to make of this oddity.  A section of the bedroom wall has been cut out to allow light to enter a very narrow cubby that’s either a decent sized closet, a ticket booth to charge admission to your guests when you have those underground dinner party masquerades, a place for bedroom marionette performances, a new way to install an elaborate entertainment system, or your private bedroom bar.

- Who says storage isn’t important?  You’ve got this in addition to the above mystery booth just for your bedroom.

- All the things you’d expect to find in a bathroom are, in fact, there.

- Laundry in the basement.

- Pets are welcome.

- Heat/hot water ARE included.  YESSS!

- Map here.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

Got a comment?  Post it!  It’s the only way I know you exist!

$2800 – 3brs of Park Slope NICEY-nice (Union St. M,R)

The math totally works on this one – three people, less than $1,000 each AND heat/hot water are included.

Say WORD!

- Living space.  The final frontier.

- Dinner party anyone?  Kitchen is OPEN for business!  “Hey man, you need help with those dishes.” Nope. No worries, man… I got a damn dishwasher.

- Bedroom 1: Looks like FUN!

- Bedroom 2: Squibbily doo!

- Bedroom 3: Maybe not for me because it’s a little teeny-weeny.  But if you have to pee, you’ll be singin’ tweedily DEE [because it's right near the bathroom...]

- …which is right here.  Majorly into the foggy-glass-window-in-the-shower thing and the black/white tiles.  Save a few bucks, our fragile ocean marine habitat, and some hundreds of thousands of years not having to bio-degrade PVC shower cutrains too.

- Pets seem rad.

- Heat/hot water IN-CLOO-DID. Yup!

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

May the lone journeyman or journeywoman come forth and claim thy castle (by commenting).

$1500 – 1br, Fast and Loose (Prospect Ave. M,R)

South Slope is still the mild mild west but there’s always the random troubadour who’s dying to get in on one of these slightly run down, relatively cental, quite spacious places.

Come hither…

- Pretty giant-sized kitchen/living space.  Guess those high Cylon-eye windows are so you can forget about the squalor that is 4th Ave.

- Kitchen and yes, a dishwasher.  Tada!

- A sliver of a bathroom but it’s all ready for you to clean it, Mr. Swiffer!

- I found this bedroom rather difficult to photograph because it’s such a long and somewhat narrow room.  So there’s the first angle…

- …and there’s the other.

- Utilities are NOT included.  Lame.

- Laundry is on the corner.  Not too bad.

- Pets gotta be cool… how could the landlord deny you the companionship of a pet.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

Give me a little dose of your comment juice, will ya!?

$3000 – 2br in a GORGEOUS Brownstone (Bergen 2,3, & 7th Ave. B, Q)

Funny how things work sometimes.  This place is RIGHT across the street from the listing below!  WEIRD!  Sorry… I get excited about stupid shit.

OBSERVE!

- Again, big fan of this landlord’s beautiful old brownstones.  Stoops are always a big plus in my book.

- Pretty dope living space: crazy high ceilings, bay windows, skylights… it’s a charmer.

- Totally doable kitchen.  Not the newest appliances but they work, there’s counter space, and hey look!  A dishwasher!  No way!

- Of the two bedrooms here, this would probably be considered the “2nd.” Situations that benefit from this cute little cabin are: 1. A couple with their buddy from college who’s looking for a place to crash for a while. 2. A couple who needs an adequately sized home office, loves this part of Park Slope, and digs the idea of having 1.5 bathrooms.

- Here’s your 1 (left) .5 (right) bathrooms.  The .5 is attached to the “master” bedroom shown below…

- …here it is!  Situated at the back of the building, quiet, sunny enough for a place for sleeping and it’s attached to it’s own bathroom.  Sweet!

- Utilities are NOT included.  Bummster.

- Pets are presumably COOL!

- Laundry is in the building.

- Available Aug. 1, 2009.

- Map here.

Comment now… or later.